Needs and Needles

Take everything that you think you need, and have it be denied to you. Go ahead, have it dangled in front of your nose and then yanked away everytime you even remotely make a movement towards it. Eventually, you delimit your sphere of desire and you fight for what you know you need and that you can and will obtain. The things that aren’t obtainable are abstractions. If you had them, they would slip just as easily through your fingers anyway. What is a title? What is a car? What is a home? What is money?

All of what you need resides so close to you that it would be ridiculous to even reach for it. Yet it takes the greatest of efforts simply to recognize its proximity, to focus on its closeness. Each moment that passes bears your fading name away from you. You struggle to inscribe yourself, again and again, failing to encompass everything that you want to be. It’s silly, really. You are already everything that has been and will be. Your atoms, your carbons, your matrixed energy.

Who are the homeless? Who the hungry? Who are the powerless, the oppressed, the victimized tatters of a cannabilistic civilization?

We are all on the same boat. The same journey. The Titanic of misplaced dreams that sinks together as if all, the served and the servers, were of the same ill fated density, destined but to sink beneath the weight of a retrospectively immense folly.

But I’m not talking about a mere fatalism. It is indeed complacency that is the greatest of man-made evils. To know yourself, to recognize your divinity, to ask nothing of the world—this is the greatest of life’s many challenges. As we ride this inevitable path that must be trodden on the road to total gain, and total loss, the ledger sheet that will tally our outcome is a mirror that looks into our heart of hearts, the psalm of desire, the desert of pain. How much can you suffer? How much can you delight? To be as soft as a baby and as hard as bamboo, to be everything and nothing, to be yourself and to be yourself. To take only what you need, to give everything that you are.

This is the most difficult of demands. This task of life and death. This existence that we have been chosen to become aware of. All that we need to be we are. All that the world needs us to be we can be. All of what we desire is impossible.


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

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