Dropping Out The Sky

Break in the Ice

Do you feel sometimes as though you were waiting to fly, and that you are simply awaiting the proper environment, the correct medium, the right chance, that somehow you will sense just as it occurs? And yet somehow this perfect runway never shows up—or maybe it even does, but the lighting just isn’t good enough so that you can recognize it, or people were getting in the way so you could never get up to speed, or . . . something. Something just is never right.

Well, the fact is that most of us need a good solid kick in the ass to go beyond what we are accustomed to. We can get used to anything, even getting abused on a daily basis, even mortar shell fragments whizzing by our ears, even junkies outside on our doorstep shooting up, even being the junkies ourselves, dependent on the next small change to get us to the next fix to get us by, just to get by. We need to be booted out of the nest to find ourselves falling, with only our god given instinct to save us from gravity. We need to be hurt, we need to be pushed, we need to be upset, we need to cry, we need to come to limits beyond ourselves and stand there in that cold and airless night and feel the vacuum beyond the impetus of everything that we thought held us into ourselves and understand just where we stand in the grand scheme of things. And realize that we are really nothing. And to realize that in the midst of this nothingness we act as anchors and stars to everything else that is also nothing. Like the cold stars in the dark sky, shining mindlessly through space to you to call to you in a language beyond understanding.

To fall from the nest, to be pushed into the wide open heartless sea, with nothing but yourself to save you. Your body knows what it needs to do. Your mind is there to revel in the mystery. Your spirit can only be drunk in the awareness of itself.

Everything in our lives acts to push us beyond ourselves, beyond our comfort zones, beyond our knowledge, beyond what feeds us, beyond what clothes us, beyond what defines us. So why fight this movement into the wide blue yonder? Delve, dive, fly, experience, hunger, desire, reach, pull, cry. The only thing holding us back is ourselves and our fear. Well, you’re always going to be scared. Every single time you have to leave what is known and what is safe and what is secure, every single time you will be scared. And every single time this fear and adrenaline will turn into exhilaration and bliss in a heartbeat once you have stepped out the door and onto the stage and into the light. This is what it is to have faith and surrender and to love. To let go of yourself to give yourself to something beyond yourself. To find yourself, to truly know yourself.

A kick in the arse. A drop in the water. A fall from heaven.


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

13 thoughts on “Dropping Out The Sky”

  1. I’ll have to agree with you again. So many times, a catalyst is all we need, or if not a catalyst, something to break down a barrier that’s in the way. Don’t you think, though, that this frustration of sorts only proves how overly complicated the world/our lives have become?

  2. I think perhaps the most complicated part is in recognizing when the kick in the arse is actually a good thing. Like at the time all we feel is anger, fear, maybe betrayal, depending on who and what has pushed us into change. I kind of wrote this for a friend who just had their life direction shifted drastically by unforeseen circumstances that on the surface seem to be extremely negative. But in the long run, I think, this shift will be positive, because it’s knocked him out of where he feels comfortable and secure, and now he must learn to find his own way. And I guess, it’s also of course written to myself to remind myself of this—that maybe sometimes I need to let myself and my world get shook up to knock me free from complacency.

  3. This is so strange. I’m new to the blogging world and I’ve just been randomly clicking on links here and there and I came across yours. You basically put into words my own thoughts as of late. I’ve just been trying to get out on my own and I’m scared. But I’ve also been thinking how will I ever know what I’m truly capable of unless I get out there and just throw myself into the unknown?

  4. Exactly. And the thing is that no matter what happens “out there,” you will develop from it. It’s the learning of things the “hard way,” but it’s really only through struggle that we grow. Everyone’s scared to do it, at every step of their lives.

  5. well,it’s true sometimes we tend to stay in our comfort zone for our own personal reasons.Sometimes we feel that everything lies in our own hand but at the end of the day we still need someone or somebody to accomplish what we have started.The worst thing is that…yes we still need to be kicked in our ass just to realize the reality of the world where we are into.

  6. i think u should write something to help them blog more freely….as in reduce the friction between the thoughts and the keyboeard:

  7. I totally agree with you. “To let go of yourself to give yourself to something beyond yourself. To find yourself, to truly know yourself.” good read thanks

  8. bubble, i feel like this too, a lot. I guess most ppl do. But, i fear everything i do. i mean, it takes a lot of courage for me to do anything at all, but once i do it, one blind plunge, fists clenched, i’m not scared anymore. And i laugh over the fact that i was scared at all. But then i have to do this every time, to overcome my fear. It’s scary.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s