Traffic Rant


After 10 1/2 stressful and trafficful hours on the road, I’m “home” for Turkey Day. I have to say that I just don’t understand how anyone could ever tolerate stop-&-go traffic every single day of their working existence. I understand that if you have to, then you gotta do what you gotta do. But as to how one can do it without eventually either killing a stranger or suffering a heart attack and/or stroke is beyond me. The feeling which I had whilst immersed in an endless succession of single or two person occupied vehicles, none of whom appeared to be able to understand the concept of flow, was that I wanted to scream and beat people senseless. So it’s gas, brake; gas, brake; gas, brake for 2 fuckin’ hours. That was just going through LA. But all the way down the two lane interstate from northern Cali, there was enough traffic such that all of the idiots (which is apparently 95% of all drivers on the road, according to my own personal research) that just sit in the left-hand lane–which is the passing lane, motherfuckers–continuously bottle necked the flow, because these idiots are barely even going the speed limit, and then they have to hit the brakes anytime they want to slow down. Alright, idiots, listen: when you’re on the highway, you don’t need to hit the brakes to slow down, unless there is an emergency. Otherwise, just take your fuckin’ foot off of the gas pedal. It’s pretty simple. Otherwise, you cause a chain reaction of every other person down the line hitting their brakes. Good job, motherfuckers.

If people were robots, this estadounidensian culture would be much more tolerable. Then cars would flow perfectly along in traffic, there wouldn’t be any idiots clogging up the road, you could bypass people on sidewalks without having to walk into the street to get around they fat ass. Unfortunately, Americanos are not robots; they only pretend to be robots. Which means that every road and highway is doomed to constant and ever increasing cluster fuck-ism. I just wonder at what point does the general populace begin to go crazy as a result? I guess they already have, come to think of it. And I think that if research was made on the connection between spontaneous murders of random people and stop-and-go traffic, then social scientists might make some headway.

In any case, as long as the auto industry is making money, and the oil industry is making money, then it ain’t changing anytime soon. Good luck, humanity. And a pleasant Turkey Eating Day to you, as well.

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Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

2 thoughts on “Traffic Rant”

  1. so you prefer robots to humans?
    ok you can wait 100 years or less to have that :-)
    btw happy thanksgiving, this day has things that make it worth the trouble of traveling miles, aint so?

  2. Well, no, I just would rather have all the humans that currently get in my way be robots, because then they wouldn’t get in my way.
    Happy thanksgiving to you as well. Estoy gordito despues todo la comida.

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