Here am I, Lord of Cockroaches, Zanorth, surveying my territory, the kitchen lands of Apartment Q-258. My antennaes waggle in the summer breeze that wafts out from the hour long hot showers that the female humanoid takes in the bathroom. This is indeed a land of plenty, a fertile tiled square of frequently dropped crumbs, forgotten leftovers, abundance overflowing from ceramics at every step.
My people live in the spaces between the walls. We do not carry strange diseases. We are nearly impossible to kill except by strong and deftly placed poisons, or individually by very sharp or very heavy blunt instruments. The humans seem to fear us excessively for the reason that our existence is based both entirely on their excess–while simultaneously, we could still exist without them. This terrifies them–the idea that we could outlive them–and that meanwhile we are simply using their wasteful habits to chill out and party.
It has been a good season here in the kitchen lands. Why, just last night, we came across 4 different types of cheeses, along with drops of various red wines to accompany them! Just think, what a waste it would be if all of this extra foodstuff simply sat forever on the kitchen floor, never to be enjoyed by another lifeform. We the cockroaches love to try out new things. I myself just tried out candied yams for the first time last week, and discovered them to perhaps be the most luxurious dining experience I’ve ever partaken in. I will dream of said yams, the orange and white creamy blend, until the next chance encounter I have with them again. In the meantime, I will enjoy this piece of mushroom pizza crust with a dab of ranch.


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

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