To give up your pride, your ego, your enkindled bitterness–this is far easier, far more healing and preventative of further damage, than holding yourself apart and waiting for some unachievable perfection from another human being. Why are we so attached to our suffering? When someone causes us pain, even unintentionally, we will hold it against them long past the fleeting suffering it has caused us, even re-inflicting the pain, re-enacting the scenario in our minds just so that we can continue to harden our hearts against them. Why? All it takes is to let it go and forgive the other person for being imperfect. All it takes is for you to get over yourself. It is that hard. It is that easy. Try it. Every single day.

Anger, violence, and bitterness perpetuate in an endless feedback loop, drunken fathers beating their children just like their daddies beat them; embittered, righteous bigots murdering others under the banner of god and religion; angry young men used as pawns murdering others under the banner of patriotism and freedom. Angry men on radio talk shows, calling for hatred and warfare. Academic fools with their heads stuck up their assholes on the news on the TV, pretending to be “experts” on issues they have no life experience with.

There is only one way to break this endless chain of idiocy, lunacy, and anger when someone has done you wrong. Let it go. Let it fucking go. Get over yourself. Even if you know that you are right. Forgive them. Talk to them, apologize, open your heart to them and understand them in their imperfection. Love them. Don’t hold their faults against them, talking shit about them to other people. Because you are only hurting yourself. You are hurting your heart, increasing your stress, giving yourself headaches, tensing your muscles, weakening your immune system. What is the point in holding onto bad things inside of yourself?

It is that easy. It is that hard.


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

3 thoughts on “Forgiveness”

  1. I have found in the past that the more love I have for someone the harder it becomes to forgive their trespasses. When I form a friendship with someone I am investing a part of myself in them. It is the recognition of a certain amount of mutual respect and concern for one another. It is hard to come to terms with the realization that someone cares less for you than you than you assumed. In the recent past assumptions and expectations have been at the root of my inablility to forgive and that is entirely unfair. The events of the past year have taught me that the most beneficial thing for my spirit is to embrace the fact that someone has moved me enough to find a great deal of love for them and more imortantly to remain aloof to the idea that I may not always be a recipient. Anger, bitterness, and violence have all been parented by sadness. Love, on the other hand, is the product of respect, compassion and understanding. I often think now days of how a persons absence might effect me. If I see it resulting in sadness then I want every opportunity to rejoice in their presence. We are reflections of each other to some extent and when dissapointment sets in it tends to bring our own faults into view. I have previously made the mistake of projecting my own shortcomings on to you and I am genuinly sorry for that.

  2. Wow, thanks sweetie. You know I’m sorry too, that we ever got to such a point of anger.
    I understand completely how it is harder to forgive those closest to you. I always do it myself, where I expect so much out of those I love that when they don’t do for me as much as I think they should, I hold it against them without even telling them, expecting them to know what is wrong. But the whole time I realize that I am only hurting myself.
    I don’t think it’s that anyone ever cares less for you than you think. It is more that they choose to show it in ways that you might not recognize. Or that they just don’t realize that you need them to show it as much as you do. No one ever recognizes how lonely or needing other people are, because they are so wrapped up in their own loneliness and need. Just like you said, it is only when you think of how you would feel if they weren’t there that you realize how much you need to show them you love them.
    Love ya.

  3. Nice post…….. somehow I can relate with that, sometimes its hard for me to forgive.. Probably because I let my pride and ego to rule. But your right, rather than keeping such anger and pain inside your heart it will be better to forgive………
    Thanks for this wonderful post…..

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