Another Sports Rant


It perplexes me, it really does, that anyone would ever watch golf on TV. I am not saying that golf is not an interesting sport; it is–when you are playing it. Although even then it seems to be more entertaining with at least a six-pack of beers, maybe even a pony keg. OK, well, let’s be honest here: it’s originally a social sport for rich people. They drive around in little white vests and gloves and go-carts and schmooze it up with each other. Then afterwards they can go over to the bar at their country club and berate one another about going over par on the 8th hole while drinking Schnapps.
And here’s another thing about golf: it takes huge resources of water to keep that grass well-groomed and golfeable. And these golf courses seem to be everywhere, most especially where they have no natural right to be–as in a water destitute area with no grass normally to found.
What we need these gigantic grassy water guzzling ritzy resorts for? In my opinion, I think golf has potential to be turned into a more down-to-earth sport by golfing on real landscapes: maybe downtown during rush hour–or boulder strewn mountain dirt–or in suburban backyards. All terrain golf. A real man’s sport. All you have to do is dig a few holes and then get started. Maybe drop some acid and chug a few Tecates.
Disc golfers have got the right idea. They do that shit anywhere there’s room to throw a disc.

Basically, I have it out for any sport that relies on abnormal, environmentally destructive practices to exist. Water skiing is another one. I’m not saying it’s not fun. I’m saying that you’re being pulled around on a string by a loud gas guzzling speed boat. It’s unnatural and pretty fucking annoying to everyone else in the vicinity. Get into a kayak. Get into a rowboat. Swim. Those are respectful sports. Not getting tugged around like a little toy, jumping off mechanically generated waves.

What’s my favorite sport? Running and hiking. It’s simple. The only acoutrements required are shoes. It’s you, your lungs, and the ground.

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Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

2 thoughts on “Another Sports Rant”

  1. let’s start your anti-golfing (+ other unnatural unhealthy sports) community & i promise to join. btw more than hiking, there’s one thing you can do to help nature as well, hike to top of a mountain, then free fall & bang, your body does lotta good things to soil, firstly a polluting creature is destroyed secondly you return all the things you took from soil & fertilize it again. ;)

  2. Well, the absence of a polluting creature is a plus; however, as an American, my body most likely contanis overabundant quantities of trans-fatty tissue from all of the processed foods, soda drinks, etc that we consume, which means that my body will take quite a while to decompose. During the Vietnam War, the Vietnamese soldiers bodies would begin the decomposition process almost immediately, whereas the American soldiers would take weeks. Don’t know if our bodies be any good for the soil or not.

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