It perplexes me, it really does, that anyone would ever watch golf on TV. I am not saying that golf is not an interesting sport; it is–when you are playing it. Although even then it seems to be more entertaining with at least a six-pack of beers, maybe even a pony keg. OK, well, let’s be honest here: it’s originally a social sport for rich people. They drive around in little white vests and gloves and go-carts and schmooze it up with each other. Then afterwards they can go over to the bar at their country club and berate one another about going over par on the 8th hole while drinking Schnapps.
And here’s another thing about golf: it takes huge resources of water to keep that grass well-groomed and golfeable. And these golf courses seem to be everywhere, most especially where they have no natural right to be–as in a water destitute area with no grass normally to found.
What we need these gigantic grassy water guzzling ritzy resorts for? In my opinion, I think golf has potential to be turned into a more down-to-earth sport by golfing on real landscapes: maybe downtown during rush hour–or boulder strewn mountain dirt–or in suburban backyards. All terrain golf. A real man’s sport. All you have to do is dig a few holes and then get started. Maybe drop some acid and chug a few Tecates.
Disc golfers have got the right idea. They do that shit anywhere there’s room to throw a disc.
Basically, I have it out for any sport that relies on abnormal, environmentally destructive practices to exist. Water skiing is another one. I’m not saying it’s not fun. I’m saying that you’re being pulled around on a string by a loud gas guzzling speed boat. It’s unnatural and pretty fucking annoying to everyone else in the vicinity. Get into a kayak. Get into a rowboat. Swim. Those are respectful sports. Not getting tugged around like a little toy, jumping off mechanically generated waves.
What’s my favorite sport? Running and hiking. It’s simple. The only acoutrements required are shoes. It’s you, your lungs, and the ground.