I had a revelation today of the interrelatedness of the past and the present and the future, of how they form together a shape, a changing formation of time. Of how the past is not some dead, determined thing, forever captured and unchangeable. I was thinking of our lives, of how in our human existence we begin often making many mistakes, many growing pained expressions of angst and anguish that become understood and fully grown in our later lives, when we bloom, and the struggle of our tendrils to catch the light, the fight of our roots to grasp down deep are validated and given meaning, even if at the time they caused us incredible suffering and isolation. Or sometimes events in the past or the way we manifested our personalities becomes darkened by our future actions (he was always such a quiet boy. . .).

I thought of this because a friend who I had looked up to and had many good times with a few years ago has now gone through some hardship in his life and made some bad decisions, and the aspects of him that before were quirky or passable as being weird have taken over the aspects of him that were positive and fun, and he has become, for lack of better words, extremely sketchy. And I was remembering today the good times that I had shared with him, and I realized how much they had been tainted by the negative image of him I now held. This is how the past becomes changed.

Everything that we were shifts in the light or shade of who we are becoming.

Because we make important decisions, along our individual paths, that determine whether we are growing or whether we are allowing ourselves to be blinded by our weaknesses. And of course we go both ways, struggling in our humanity to find our way. But eventually some people run into something within themselves they just can’t get their way around, and they give up and stop growing. They stop growing and then just hold on, they hold on and wither away and everyone pretends not to see what is happening to them, because what can you say?

Only a true friend will tell you when you have blinded yourself to suffering and have decided to stop growing. All the rest of the world will smile and nod their heads when you lie to them and allow you to die slowly. Only a true friend will make the effort to break through your carefully constructed walls of illusion, even if it might mean losing your friendship.

Your enemies are the ones who coddle you, who tell you what you want to hear, who comfort you to your death. Like advertisements on TV, they have no interest in seeing you grow. They want you to shut up and fit in so that they don’t have to be disturbed by you any longer.

It is those who challenge us to grow that are our friends.

But this is a tangent from what I began with. I was speaking of the intertwinement of past and future, of how time is a stream, not a disconnected progression of points. This is why it is so great to keep up with childhood friends, and with all the people that you have run into along the way to now. Who can predict what is to come? The picture that we all collectively form, with all of our varying pasts and personalities, is amazing to behold. We shift-shape, we change, we grow, we diminish, we move, we stay. And hopefully, we all are helping each other along the path to beauty, along the path to finding within ourselves the key to unlock the flow of divinity from our minds, our powerful, creative minds, our powerful, interconnected hearts.


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s