I was out all night dancing, swerving like a spastic snake, and I’ve got that exhausted after-glow after a good night. I just had a couple of words for the ladies out there who like to go out to clubs and shake what they’re god given: Look, if you want me to dry hump your ass, that’s all fine and well, I’ve got just as much mongrel in me as any other guy. But I’d really rather see your face first and dance with you. Please don’t do that “ass present” thing that all the other girls on the dance floor do–you know what I mean, where you give me a little backwards glance and then position yourself so that your ass is directly in front of my crotch. It’s very flattering that you’re so ready and willing to be dry humped so soon in our relationship. But I kind of like to move more than just my crotch when I dance–and while I am highly interested in you and your fine ass, I am not necessarily ready to move to that level so quickly. Let’s get to look at each other a little bit first, check out each other’s moves, make some eye contact, make it something a little more personal and special. I mean, do you really like being treated like just another leg to dry hump? I’m not trying to say that I want to marry you because you’re cute and you are dancing with me. I’m just saying that you could give more than my crotch a chance when we dance.
Anyway, had to get that off my chest. I just find the whole dry hump dance thing (aka freaking) a little weird sometimes. It really makes me miss the music and dancing in South America. Down there they do the dry humping to pop tainted ‘hip hop’ too, but what I really love is the merengue and salsa, where the dancing is sensual as opposed to sexual. Instead of just rubbing one’s crotch against the girl’s ass, one actually has to demonstrate some dancing prowess, and look into her eyes. Yeah, I know, there’s salsa clubs in the states too. I’m just bitching because the dominant form of dancing is freaking. Look, it just don’t take much skill to dry hump on the dance floor. We’re all trying to get some love and express our appreciation of each other’s bodies–that’s the whole beauty and fun in dance. But there sure should be a lot more to it than just our sex organs.
The club we went to was playing pretty run of the mill boring 4/4 electronic beats, so I guess I can’t really blame most people for doing little more than moving their crotches up and down. But once upon a time, back when I was a young whippersnapper, techno music wasn’t just about trying to hook up with a girl. It was about expressing freedom and love through dance. Now it seems like it’s become so commodified that house music is just for dry humping in expensive and trendy clubs.