Boycott Craig

Thank god we have activists out there fighting for truth and justice in the world. Forget about stupid things like declining oil supplies, widespread governmental and bureaucratic corruption, conflict in the middle east, shady and downright evil corporate practices, child labor, global warming and subsequent increase of natural disasters, depletion of the Amazon rainforest for wood, gold, and oil, etc, etc. . .
These activist knights have plunged straight to the heart of the matter, and are bravely calling for a boycott of the new James Bond, because he is blonde and doesn’t comform to their cherished ideal of what this fictional character should truly look like. Thanks to people like these, who lay down their time and lives for all the rest of us, we can continue driving our SUVs about our suburbs, eating our McDonalds, and watching mind-numbing dramatizations on TV. Hooray! Join this boycott and worldwide crusade of concerned and outraged citizens today!


Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

2 thoughts on “Boycott Craig”

  1. Anthony Lane of the New Yorker, in an article celebrating the twentieth Bond film a few years ago, made a request that Ang Lee direct Casino Royale – the last Fleming book not made into a serious movie – with a retro aesthetic, more true to the class & idiosyncracy of the originals. (The books’ Bond is a bit more of a classy anal-retentive nerd, as picky about his salads as about his martinis.) Sad that this movie will probably just be another modern explosion. But a blonde Bond! Surely Brosnan driving a German car was more of a blasphemy.

  2. Really, the Hollywood Bond is supposed to encapsulate all of what we are supposed to want to be, that modern masculine esthetic of cool, pimp, and mercenary. He kills, gets laid, and never gets a ruffle feathered. Whoops, I mean a feather ruffled. But I kind of like the first conjugation.
    He is a ninja except beyond ninja, because he never has to execute ninja moves. He just shoots his pistol or smiles suavely and all dilemmas are instantaneously resolved.

    I think the book is more accurate of what a real Bond might look like, based on what you say (I will have to read one of the books). In order to be the best secret agent in the world, you would have to be the most paranoid and anal-retentive in the world. Classy, handsome, and suave might work to get you into some sweet LA parties and clubs. I don’t think it would get you around many well-trained ninjas.
    But let’s get to the point here. It’s about friggin time that Bond was Blonde.

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