Olympic Rant

OK, I apologize if I might dismay any wide-eyed Olympian enthusiaists out there, but I’ve got to get this off my chest: the Olympics are boring. I know they are trying really hard to draw in the younger crowd with X-games events like snowboard cross, but it’s still just really boring. Sometimes I think the problem with the Olympics is that the media, from the outset, generates as much over-the-top expectation of it as they can, knowing that it’s one of those sure-fire advertising blitzkriegs like the Superbowl. So they manufacture all these stupid little flashy shorts about “heroism,” and idolize all the American athletes as much as they can–but the fact is, super specialized individual sports are just not all that entertaining. Who really cares about who got the bronze medal in skeleton racing? Who cares about the .005 millimeters that gives the gold medal to the winning athlete in the ski jump?
Or let’s talk about these ice skating dances. So these people have spent their whole life training so that they can make it to the Olympics, and yet they still never seem to be able to land that damn “triple axel.” C’mon, I’m sure it’s real hard and they’re nervous and all–but isn’t this what they’ve been training for? It’s like it’s a big relief for us–the long-suffering audience–when they finally land the damn thing.
What I don’t understand is that the scoring seems to center around whether they land their triple axels or not–and yet they do all these pretty little dance steps and arm flourishes. What’s the damn point? Why don’t they just come out on the ice, do their freakin triple axels and whatever other little difficult jumps they need to do to get points, and then leave? All that other little dancey stuff we can watch on Disney On Ice! At least with Disney On Ice they’ll be wearing tasteful apparel.
My problem with the Olympics is that most events are so specialized and bizarre and one-shot-see-if-you-happen-to-be-lucky-this-time that it just doesn’t compel me very much. I have a hard time relating to someone who has been training for 10 years or whatever to do some really hard and basically pointless task. OK, there, I let the cat out of the bag. It just doesn’t seem worth it to spend your life training for some function that doesn’t have any other purpose other than winning medals.
Something like cross-country skiing I can understand. Or that event where they ski around and shoot things. That could almost have a purpose and function in real life. Although that doesn’t make it any more interesting to watch.
If they took something like snowboard cross or speedskating, and allowed the contestants to duke it out, throw a couple of punches here and there–that might be kind of interesting. Like hockey.
I’m not fooled by all the media hype. The Olympics are kind of lame.

By the way, though: I do admit to being kind of fascinated by these speed skating chicks. Their thighs are amazing, kind of scary but kind of hot in a scary kind of way, you know what I mean? And then there’s those sleek ass hugging suits they’re wearing, and the moment when they cross the finish line and then unzip their neckline a bit and then pull off their hood and wave their long hair out of that synthetic restriction and you realize suddenly in a kind of exultant revelation that they are a Real Woman!
Sorry. I have to generate interest where I can with these things you know. . .

Author: manderson

I live in NYC.

4 thoughts on “Olympic Rant”

  1. Would it be more bearable if there were speed skater women with a slightly open neakline who can do the triple thingy?!

  2. I don’t know about the speed skater women doing triple axles. That might be kind of frightening, to see them leaping into the air with thighs like that.
    But speed skater women with slightly open necklines doing the luge. THAT might be kind of interesting.

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